|Posted on May 29, 2019 at 1:30 PM|
Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Psalm 69:1
I hate that feeling of fighting back tears, though they flow from my eyes my neck is tightened. What feels like a physical lump in my throat forms making it difficult for me to speak aloud let alone pray.
Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me. 69:2
The darkness surrounds me till I feel like I am the only one in this hole of sadness. I can’t get a grip of my thinking. I can’t see any way out of my trouble. The deep water is my sorrow and my tears overwhelm me.
I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me. 69:3
I have wept an ocean of tears for the sorrows in my life, not a month goes by I don’t weep for myself or others. Even my voice has changed from all the trauma I have experienced the many lumps I have tried in my own strength to hold back. It has a permanent crack no tea can soothe, no water can calm. I have to take a deep breathe to force myself to speak clearly when I want to be heard. My eyes have permanent bags where youth use to reside. Not from sleeplessness but from the weeping and pleading to be saved.
O God, You know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from You. 69:5
Even if I boldly claim I have no sin, sin would be found in me. Pride is a sin. In humility I confess that I am weak, that I am the least deserving of these things. I know that my sins are plenty and I deserve much less life than the one I have been given. I am continually reminded of and grateful for the knowledge that Jesus paid the penalty for my sins that I need a Savior and God provided one.
Don’t let those who trust in you be ashamed because of me, O Sovereign LORD of Heaven’s Armies. Don’t let me cause them to be humiliated, O God of Israel. 69:6
That’s why my life is an open book. I don’t want people to get the impression like I was given that once you make up your mind to return to God, to be saved by Him that life would be easier. In fact it has been harder for me. I have seen more heartache than I could bear, experienced more pain than I thought I could ever withstand. Yet He called me to be a witness to the truth that these things would come, no one, even a saved person is immune to the storms in life.
For I endure insults for your sake; humiliation is written all over my face. 69:7
His Word taught me that in those times of suffering I am reminded that His son suffered more that I will ever experience yet like His son I too could rely on His strength so that I could know He is indeed with me. He gave me a peace in times I should have lost my mind. He gave me a hope in things that were broken beyond visible repair to show me that He creates new life from things that are dead it’s called a resurrected life for a reason. He instilled in me a joy not from anything this world could give that came from a knowing He is with me. I wouldn’t trade a single day for living it without Him, for the things He has shown and made known to me and if I can only see those things by looking through the lens of the trial, the sorrow, the pain, the suffering they have helped me to see Him more clearly to know that I am never alone.
Passion for your house has consumed me, and the insults of those who insult you have fallen on me. 69:9
When people curse Your name I glorify it even more. When people spell Your name with a lowercase yet capitalize their own names I know who they consider to be their LORD. You blind my eyes to read their words, you make me deaf to their speech. You allow me only to observe and watch their actions to be a witness to what they do, not to judge but to seek. One only needs to lead with eyes that see the truth.
I keep praying to you, LORD, hoping this time You will show me favor. In your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with Your sure salvation. Rescue me from the mud; don’t let me sink any deeper! Save me from those who hate me, and pull me from these deep waters. Don’t let the floods overwhelm me, or the deep waters swallow me, or the pit of death devour me. Answer my prayers, O LORD, for Your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for Your mercy is so plentiful. Don’t hide from Your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in deep trouble! Come and redeem me; free me from my enemies. 69:13-18
I have prayed Psalm 69 in it’s entirety, a prayer my ancestor David once prayed. I can’t imagine the position his soul was in to pen these things but I know my own soul even separated by thousands of years can still relate to the things he wrote. When things look hopeless, when my world is shaken, when I can’t see past my tears, I turn to this Psalm to say the things my broken heart can’t find the words to speak. To remind me of a hope I fail to see with physical eyes but with my eyes of faith. It helps me to believe again, to hope again, to be reminded of the things my brother suffered and that in my own suffering I am not alone. In my own pain he endured as well. When I get to the end of the prayer my hope is grounded back in the God that does rescue me.
Like verses 69:30-34 say I will praise His name with singing and honor Him with thanksgiving. I please the LORD by offering sacrifices of thanksgiving because to be honest in those times the last thing I want to do is be thankful, be thankful for the pain, be thankful for the sorrow, be thankful for the trial, yet even James 1:2 said consider it “great joy” when we are faced with these things. For like my ancestors, those who came before us, these things were a precursor to seeing the glory of the LORD. I am reminded that I will see God at work in my life just as He has weaved this tapestry many times before and I will be glad once again. I am encouraged by my past victories to know that He will make it happen again even if I can’t see a way. He hears my cries, He does not despise His imprisoned people. If earth is my prison, and the time I have in this body my sentence, than I will use it to lead many to Christ with the testimony of own my life story that was saved by his own life.
There is a song called “So Will I” by Elevation and in it much like verse 34 it says “If the stars were made to worship so will I. If the mountains bow in reverence so will I. If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I. For if everything exists to lift You high so will I. if the winds goes where you send it so will I. If the rocks cry out in silence so will I. if the sum of all our praises still falls shy, then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times.”
For God will save Jerusalem* (In Hebrew Zion) and rebuild the towns of Judah. His people will live there and settle in their own land. The descendants of those who obey Him will inherit the land, and those who love Him will live there in safety. Psalm 69:35-36
When my mind is at peace with where I am because I know that God is with me I am saved. When He uses His Word to transform the way I think. Change my perception to see things as He sees them He is rebuilding me from the inside. He makes my mind a strong fortress from the enemies attacks for I also know it is from Judah that the LORD’s kings are born as Proverbs 21:1 says so a kings heart is like a stream of water that is directed by the LORD He guides it wherever He pleases. I can live and settle wherever He places me because I can trust that where I am is the life He has destined for me for as Isaiah 29:16 says He is certainly greater than me, the clay.
I trust in His infinite wisdom and power. He knows exactly why He made me this way and like Proverbs 20:24 explains the LORD directs my steps, so why waste my time trying to understand, trying to make sense of everything along the way? He knows the best place I will thrive and where I will have the opportunity and the amount of time to plant the seeds that will bring many to Christ.
My brother Jesus was called to save the lost, everyone from the tax collectors, prostitutes and drunkards, he lived his life with men people that probably wouldn’t be my first choice of friends like Thomas who doubted, James and John who had anger issues he didn’t call them “sons of thunder” for their calm demeanor, Simon Peter who denied him, Judas the greedy deceiver. Even Paul spent most of his life after being saved in prison so it’s safe to say he was called to save guards and prisoners. Then surely if the call on my own life is to bring the good news to the poor in spirit, comfort the brokenhearted, proclaim that those who are held captive by their sinful desires be released and cut open the bars on the minds of many so their Spirits can be free. No matter what I am dealing with, no matter where I am, no matter who I am with or what I am going through I can surely do these things for all that He has done for me.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud (of depression) and the mire (of self-pity). He set my feet on the solid ground (of His Word) and steadied me as I walked along. Psalm 40:2