|Posted on July 1, 2019 at 8:55 PM|
I heard an unknown voice say, “Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks.” Psalm 81:5-6
Been traveling this past 4 day weekend. My travels began in darkness in the early hours of the morning before sunrise on Friday morning. Over a 12 hour span I rode in a car, a train, a plane, a shuttle bus and drove for 4 hours to reach my destination. Today I will do the same in reverse. In the early morning hours my drive was reduced to 3 hours, I already took the shuttle bus now waiting to take the plane. In my travels I carried with me my laptop bag and a suitcase. Once my bag was checked in I no longer had something to assist me with the weight of my laptop so often I lugged it around by hand or shoulder. It was a heavy load. With the wisdom God gives I decided to bring a small dolly to tote it around with. God has taken the load from me and freed my hands of this heavy task.
In life the weight I carried came in many forms, as Hebrews 12:1 explains these weights slowed me down from running my race. I carried the weight of heavy burdens, the load of problems and bickering my selfish pride brought. The heavy losses I experienced I even carried them with me in life. The weight of conviction when His hand was heavy on me. The guilt of my sins alone was a burden so heavy to bear. My shoulders were slumped my head was bowed down trying to hold it all up and all together. My heart was heavy with grief. Tired doesn’t even begin to describe the way I felt. With determination I grudgingly took each step even with the yoke of oppression around my neck I was determined not to back down.
For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give to you is light. Matthew 11:30
In the beginning under the weight of my darkness, so thick like the humidity in the air- formless and emptiness all around - God said in Genesis 1:3 “Let there be light.” Light had to be better than the life I was living. Light had to be lighter than the load I was carrying on my shoulders. The worry, the stress, the disappointment, the unmet expectations I didn’t want to carry these things around anymore. My hands were blistered, my shoulders ached. My neck and back were all out of alignment compensating from one side of my body to another, switching sides so the other could have rest. Surely we were not meant to live like this. Who said I had to carry this? My hope was in that yoke that was easy to bear, a burden that was light.
The expression that I carried a lot of baggage was an understatement. I walked around carrying it all passing by every luggage cart offered to me to carry the weight of it on my own, in my own strength. I had carried bags so long I didn’t know how to let them go. Release them to be who they were. The absent father. The deceased mother. The painful past. The abandonment and rejection. One bag after another to load me down. For what? Honor? A medal at the end of my life that said yup she carried the weight of her world on her shoulders till the day she died.
What would my life look like if I let my father go. Let go of the obligation for him to be someone he never was or could be. Let him go of making up for time loss. Let him go of redeeming the time. Let him go. It was easy for him to turn away, walk away and never have a second thought of me. Why was I still hanging onto the hope of who I wanted him to be? Longing for his love instead of the true Father who created me.
What if I let go of the sorrow that death took my mom and instead trade that sorrow in for being so proud. Proud that she figured out her purpose in life before anyone else. It didn’t take her 85 years it took her 39 to complete her mission to accomplish her purpose. We should all be so lucky to be born with a purpose, know it and complete it early. Even Jesus didn’t live past 40. If being alive on earth is really just a matter of time we are given to do what we need to do and return to our true home the longer we remain here on the earth, our bodies will grow weak and weary, like flowers in the spring fade. Our Spirit may be renewed daily but this body was never meant to remain.
What if I let go of the guilt of my sins? What if I laid the condemnation down? What if I truly believed that Jesus took the penalty of every sinful thing I ever did. Even the worst case scenario that would result, should result in my own death. What if he rendered death powerless. What if life was about transforming from one stage, one step to another. I am not who I was at thirteen just as I am not who I was at 20. There is a difference in the way I look in the way that I see life. My maturity level, my understanding through the various life experiences God has given to me, the things I learned, the people that have come across my path they have all formed me in one way or another. Taught me invaluable lessons if just for a passing moment, every relationship has its purpose in my life. “Entertaining angels” I call it. Hebrews 13:1-2
You must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected. Matthew 24:44
What if it was okay to lay the idea of what I expected my life to look like down? Lay down the life I expected, the way I thought my life should or would go and instead just expect Him to be a part of it however it turned out, whatever that looked like. All the people in my life I thought should have been a part of my life or not a part of it. All the places I thought I should go but never did. All the things I thought I wanted but never got. All the ways I thought were right but turned out to be wrong.
…We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely on God, who raises the dead. And He did rescue us from mortal danger, and He will rescue us again. We have placed our hope in Him, and He will continue to rescue us. 2 Corinthians 1:8-10
What if the only expectation I had was that God did what he did long ago and he would do it for me time and again.
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by His great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance- an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. 1 Peter 1:3-4
That through each transformation in my life I am born again, into something new, someone I wasn’t before the thing that had to die in me passed. That the expectation I have is not in this life or of this life but the expectation that each day brings me closer to being home again. A place so pure, free from the weight of the worry, free of the burden of stress, free from the struggle, free of the pain, free of the sorrow, free from disappointment, free from it all. Undefiled by my sins. Beyond the reach of life’s inevitable, perpetual state of transformation. Something that never fades or decays. No checked baggage. No waiting at the gates. God said let there be a place like this and there was and that is why I don’t carry these things anymore.