Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The devil will throw some of you into prison to test you. You will suffer for 10 days. But if you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life. Revelation 2:10

 

God dropped this into my Spirit Feb 10th 2024 and I have been carrying it these last 5 days. Knowing you are going to suffer doesn’t make the suffering hurt less. It doesn’t make the pain of losing less painful. But I could never have imagined this.

 

Once again I lay my life as an offering so that many will be saved just like my brother Jesus taught me.

 

Thursday Feb 9th began like any other day. I went to my sermon discussion group. I was excited to share. We just finished our series on the book of Ruth ordinary faith. How God uses even the ordinary things we do everyday to show Himself faithful. He doesn’t speak a word in Ruth but you see His fingerprints in the details with the protection, the provision, the favor, the grace and the ending no one could have ever seen coming.

 

My sister in Christ picked me up and afterwards I usually shop for things I could find on the clearance rack at Barnes and Noble for my Landing kids in the Celebrate Recovery group but that day I picked up 2 devotionals on hope and encouragement for my sisters in Christ as we walked through a difficult study for Valentines. One of us is seeking intimacy with God, another seeking intimacy in her marriage and another seeking fulfillment in God not her marriage, her kids, her grandkids just God.  We are calling on Him.  Our names mean Christ follower, pure and God is gracious. The presence of God is always in the room when we sit to lay down the trials and sorrows that have brought us to this place in our lives. We carry each others sorrows and burdens and give each other wisdom of past life experiences to encourage and hold each other up. You see the battles we face people can’t see, the scars we have no one would know by just looking at us. So hope and encouragement seemed fitting for a day usually focused on love.

 

My sister in Christ took me to the store to use my gift card. A gift form one of the 14 days of Valentines I was blessed with. I used it to buy a decoration for my upcoming Womens worship I was facilitating. And then as we walked around another store I picked up a Valentine for my love. She dropped me off home as I walked in the door I told Alexa to play KLOVE while I gathered my décor to see how I would display it. I stood on a chair to take a picture of it and that is when I noticed 2 police vehicles at my neighbors house. My first thought was I hope everything is okay. Then I saw 4 deputy sheriffs walking up to my yard.

 

Everyone at home was at work. So my first thought is O GOD something has happened and they are here to tell me the news. I opened the door before they could ring the doorbell. And asked how I could help them.

 

They asked if I was…they called me by my first name. I said yes I was. And then they asked to see my ID. I came into the house and went to my purse by this time adrenaline is pumping and I forgot where I usually leave it so it took me a minute to get it. Already shaking.

 

The looked at it and then asked if I ever went by…I said that is my maiden name but I haven’t used that name for 30 years. They said do you know why we are here? I said no. They asked if I ever had my wallet taken in the last 30 years and I said yes. They were certain this was identity theft. They said there was a warrant issued out for my arrest 27 years ago, the charge was grand larceny. I said What did I steal?! I don’t remember robbing a bank or stealing a car.

 

They said they couldn’t say much only that another county issued the warrant and asked if I had ever lived there. Again I said yes, 30 years ago. They said lets do some more leg work convinced I was not the person they were looking for. So one officer went to his vehicle while I chatted with the other 3.

 

I asked why the presence of 4 officers the woman explained 2 were training. I asked wouldn’t this have shown up in credit report they said not usually. I said I work with kids. I have had several background checks done over 30 years and this has never been brought to my attention. Our cat was banging on the glass door wanting to be let out. He is an indoor cat. He knows nothing about the outside. Just a fish in a bowl looking out. The woman got a call on her radio and asked me to confirm some names of last known street addresses where I grew up in TX… when I was 19. I confirmed them with her.

 

After some more small talk I noticed a chill. I said can I get a jacket they said no mam but you can step inside.  So I came inside and began cleaning up my decorations. Putting scissors (sharp objects/weapons) away. Welcoming them into my home. And then the officer in his vehicle reappeared in my home. This time I saw what appeared to be a red light on his vest cam.

 

And he said I’m sorry mam it is you. I looked at him bewildered and said so what does that mean? And he explained that they would need to take me down to the station and the other county would transfer me unless I post bond before then. I asked how much bond was they said it was set at $2500.

 

God put it on my heart in December to save 3-6 months of expenses in case of an emergency. And we just so happened to be coming off a no spend January where we only spent money on shelter, transportation and food. And that was equivalent to what we saved for one month of expenses.  I know that we lose God will give me double for. But it still hurts.

 

They suggested I call my husband. When I called him he was already heading toward me he said he was 30seconds away he saw the whole thing on the Ring Camera. He asked if they could wait. They agreed. I was wearing slippers so I asked if I could put on tennis shoes. They said that was fine. And then I came out and my husband was speaking to them. They suggested I also take my jewelry off including my wedding ring. So I went and did that and went to the restroom. I think everyone was shocked that they were having to do this. I met my husband in the hall and with a look of powerlessness I hugged him and said it’s going to be okay. I did nothing.

 

I am doing a legacy bible for my son. It takes 5 years to complete. I just started in January. You read one page a day and highlight anything that resonates and explain why. So that future generations can know why you loved God and believed in His Word as you do. I had just written to my son that of all the characters in the bible I relate to Joseph in Genesis from the pit to prison to the palace. Each a representation of an area in my life not a literal meaning.

 

They asked me to put my hands behind my back. It was at this point the Spirit of peace that surpasses my understanding had me convinced that this wasn’t real.  Someone was playing a trick on me. I had seen a reality show called Jury Duty on Amazon which was a reality series about the judicial system and it was about a juror who had no clue but everyone was a paid person except for him. I thought for sure Ashton Kutcher was going to come out and say I was punked or that John Quinoes was going to come out and say what would you do? All I knew is there are a huge crowd of witnesses around me and I was going to give a good witness like my brother Jesus taught.  The cuffs were on…and all I could think was okay here we go…if this is truly happening God is going to get the glory.

 

It was hard to find a comfortable way of sitting back in my seat with cuffs on and the female officer instructed me to scoot forward like a slouch to create a pocket for my hands so I complied. The partition between me and the officers was open so I noticed the radio and asked if they listened to music in their cruiser they said some times and I asked if they could put it on KLOVE 91.1 that I needed some positive and encouraging music about now. They complied.

 

Then they took the scenic route into the station as I shared my story of Recovery. I told them how I taught middle to high school kids the recovery lessons to help them manage their emotions so that they would not need to seek recovery as an adult. I shared how I mentored an at risk teen for the Save our Youth program and how I was teaching on hope that week. I shared my intro to Celebrate recovery and how and why I was on the road to financial freedom using the Dave Ramsey plan. Then I asked them about themselves, married, kids, years on job.

 

The ride was my opportunity to testify to God’s saving power in my life. I even thanked God for giving me this opportunity to be arrested so that I can relate this experience to the teens I teach. I explained that I just had a conversation with a woman who received the Holy Spirit and asked if she was going to speak in tongues now. I told her I don’t think it happens like that. That if she was fluent in a language say Spanish, French or Portuguese she could speak to people in their native language about God. And then I said it is also life experiences that God gives you. For example I can speak to people who were raised by a single mom, who have had abortions, who have given up a child for adoption. There are life experiences privy only to me that I can relate to others who are on the same road I traveled. I can speak their language. I said and now God is going to use this to help me speak to the prisoner. I already speak regularly to my incarcerated nephew but I believe God is going to use this for even more good. So I was kinda excited. Almost giddy.

 

We made a pit stop. They were at the end of their shift and he dropped his partner off at his car and then he took me into the basement where the holding area was. He graciously asked me to watch my step and brought me into the holding area where I arrived smiling, certain this is where the cameras were waiting.

 

Picture a big waiting room like the emergency room except plastic chairs all along the walls. Maybe 20. Probably 4 officers walking back and forth doing paperwork. Processing people. Half the room had men the other half had women. And everyone was wearing orange scrubs except me in my maroon leggings, lace trimmed pink dress that covered my kibbles and bits, and a pink tank and long sleeve maroon t shirt on top of that to complete the hardened criminal look I was going for.

 

Mind you the officers came to my house around 230pm so I was arrested around 3ish. I had no sense of time there are no obvious clocks so I was in a time warp but this is what I remember…

 

They told me to take a seat beside the nurses station. I was the only one hand cuffed. There were probably 5-6 men and 5 women in the holding area with me. I asked an inmate beside me her name, and if she had been there before she said yes and I asked how long it usually takes, she explained it could take upto 10hours.  I thought well that sucks but good to know. Again no sense of time. Just lots of waiting.

 

A woman officer asked me my shoes size and uncuffed me. I told her and she said she didn’t think she had shoes that would fit me but she came back with a trash bag and told me to put my shoes in the bag and handed me tube socks and flip flops. I guess so that I couldn’t run.

 

Then another officer asked me to go into the nurses station. They took my blood pressure, temp, and did an oxygen finger heartbeat and asked if I had been sick. I explained I tested positive for COVID Sun but the onset of my symptoms took place the Thurs before so I should be fine. She asked me when my last period was I told her I was perimenopausal so about 6 weeks ago. And she said I would need to take a pregnancy test. She gave me a cup and I said do I drop trough here? She said there was a bathroom on the other side of the room that I would need to just knock.

 

I thought for sure this is where the cameras would come out. So I knocked and no one answered so I entered. There was a steel toilet covered in pee and a dirty sink with hotel size bar soap. She said she didn’t need a whole cup so I gave what I could and rinsed the cup because hard to balance and not touch the seat. Then I was given my clothes. And taken to a shower stall where I was asked to go to the back the opaque plastic door made a shadow. And she told me to give her my clothes. Commenting on the thickness of my leggings. I replied yeah, fleece lined.  I was given white briefs, a white sports bra, a white Tshirt and orange scrubs. She said they didn’t have petites that I would have to roll up my pants. Then she took me back to the holding area.

 

By this time mostly everyone was gone and another woman came in crying as they took her through the process. I crossed my legs and listened to the chatter. And smiled like this is quite the group of folks the Lord had me with what was He doing?    

 

Then a female officer escorted me to my holding cell. She gave me a brown blanket, a disposable cup and 2 wipes for my mat. It was empty and I asked if I would be alone? She said no unfortunately someone would be in there with me. I said okay. Thinking why is she apologizing, it is not like I had a choice. As far as this world was concerned my choices no longer mattered.

 

The cell was as wide as two twin mattress on the floor. White cinder block walls and a metal bench attached to the wall on each side. The bathroom was located in the back, a public bathroom door stall with views from top and bottom and a steel toilet, a third of a roll of 1 ply, a sink with 2 used hotel bars.

 

As I sat on bench with head on wall I noticed a large sign in front of my cell This area is audio and video surveillance and a camera on my ceiling. It was still in my head that this was a reality series or joke someone was playing on me. So I began to sing. Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me….praying Father now would be a good time for angels to bust open those doors and come and get me. Please refer to Acts 5:19 and 16:25.

 

The officers opened the prison door and the woman who was crying came in. She took her seat across from me. And another officer called me by my maiden name because apparently my married name of 20 years is my alias. And I looked at him and I looked at her and I did what Jesus would do. I hugged her and told her I would be back, not to worry. That God was with her.

 

You see if God lives in me and I am in that cell with her well common sense tells me God is with her. It is no longer me. It is He that lives in me.

 

The officer said it was for medical and my response was am I pregnant? He said surprised no should you be I said no but I already saw the nurse and the last thing she gave me was a pregnancy test. He said no its for a medical Qand A evaluation. I said oh okay. I asked how long he was working said he was on his 15th hour he said he worked a double they were short handed. I thanked him for his service. He took me down the hall to see an office where he sat at desk and on opposite wall a chair with a micophone and computer screen. A nurse came up and asked me to state my name I said…. She said I wasn’t in the system and sent me back. So he walked me back. And apologized. I told him it was okay. He said at least you got to walk around I thought. Yeah I guess but I wanted to get back to my new found friend.

 

When I walked in I sat down by this time she had composed herself. I think God took me out so that He could calm her. I crossed my leg and leaned in and turned into a missionary. I said I don’t know how much time I have but it’s obvious to me God brought me here for you. What is your name she said it. I spelled it she nodded. I told her my name. Our names were separated by one letter in the alphabet. The beginning and the end. She explained hers was the last 4 letters of her name. I thought that was cool. Then I asked what she was there for.

 

She is a 57 year old woman who was caught with drug possession. Methamphetamines. She was sentenced to 6 months in a half way house. It is her belief that she started to take drugs because of her ADHD meds. Which are the legal form of amphetamines. So she was trying to wean herself off her ADHD meds.   When they did a shake down, she was holding more than she should have and they called it hoarding with intent to sell. She was going to jail for 5 years. No bail. Just like that. Her life was so she thought ruined. I said I can’t help you but what we can do is pray that God have mercy, leniency and grace. I asked if she believed in God. She said she was raised by an atheist and a roman catholic. I shared my story of God’s saving grace. I said the best way I can explain God to you is this…

 

He is every good and perfect thing in your life. He is the light in the darkness. And I don’t know if you noticed it but this world is a pretty dark place. Not a whole lot of good in it. In fact being here is a dark thing but He sent me here to be with you to let you know that you are not alone. And that is good. He is good. She nodded.

 

And the officer came back in. He asked why I was there I told him apparently grand larceny 27 year old warrant. He was in disbelief. I said exactly. I sat down stated my name and she tells the officer she wanted someone else. I am still not in the system. So he apologizes once again and takes me back to my cell.

 

My cellie asked why I was there I explained and we exchanged stories about our life married, kids, family, work, friends. Trying to find common ground. Love was the common ground. I couldn’t relate to her, her upbringing, her life experiences but I could relate to her love for the people in her life. And the distance in her family. And the sorrows she carried.

 

She was getting sleepy blurry eyes she was wiping, she could have sworn my blanket and cup were colors and a coloring book. I suggested she lay down. I asked if she wanted to use my mat to double up the mat on the ground she said no. I said you sure? I don’t plan to sleep here. I asked if she wanted my blanket and she insisted she wasn’t going to take my things. I said okay.

 

The officer came back and apologized. He said 9 times out of 10 people say they are innocent. But you are the real deal. He spoke to my arresting officer and said you know this is bullshit. I said yeah. He said you are getting an attorney right? I said yes. He said and you are posting bail so don’t get too comfortable I said I know.

 

My cellie chimed in after he left. You better visit me when you get out. I said I will.

 

And then the reality hit me. This was real. This was happening. And I prayed and sang…The pathway is broken. And the signs are unclear. And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here. But just because you love me the way that you do. I’m gonna walk through the valley if you want me to. This may not be the way I would have chosen. When you lead me through a world that’s not my home. But you never said it would be easy. You only said I’d never go alone….

 

When I meditate on God in solitude. Quiet my mind and come into His presence He appears to me like a blue dancing orb. Every time I closed my eyes in jail that is what I saw the blue dancing orb. So I wasn’t afraid.  There was a peace in me I can’t explain. God had me there for a reason. For His good purpose for me. For reasons I may never know. Trust me I’ve done lots of things and some that may have deserved me going to jail for but definitely not what they accuse me of, I am not guilty of grand larceny.

 

The officer called me back to the nurses station once more time. She asked my name and this time it was right. She asked if I had all sorts of illnesses, needed to see a doctor in any pain and the last question stuck with me. Has anyone in my family or friends committed suicide. I clarified friends? She said yes it is their belief that when someone close to an inmate has taken their life that it gives us suicide ideation. I said well I work with Celebrate Recovery and our CR brother committed suicide a couple weeks ago. His funeral was yesterday. She asked how I was doing? I lokoed down at my orange scrubs and said if you are asking me I am suicidal the answer is no. She said okay we just needed verbal confirmation. She asked the officer for my stats and he read them off to her.

 

He walked me back to my cell. Apologized for my loss. And it helped to put my life into perspective. You see I am walking down a corridor being on trial for a crime I didn’t commit. All the while there is a woman who will never see her husband again. Never hold him. Never hear him say He loved her except through the last text he sent her before he took his life. This corridor doesn’t seem so bad, this place I am in, in my life is nothing compared to the sorrow she has to carry. My battle has just begun.

 

My cellie was asleep her snore brought me comfort she snored like my husband when he is sleeping on the couch. And I found peace even in that. I laid on the steel bench. Gave in to using the blanket as my pillow and prayed. And then another officer came. A different one. He said my maiden name and that he needed to process me. I got up as though I would be back. And as we walked down the hall he said we are also going to exit you out. I said okay.

 

They took me around the corner where they had me sign some documents. Then they digitally fingerprinted me. When they went to print my palm a void kept showing up in the center and rejecting it. She had to press my palm on the plate to get a good read. Reminding me God is with me, in me, working through me, fighting for me. My name is written on the palm of His hand.  

 

They took a DNA swab and photographed me facing forward and side. And then she game me my clothes and escorted me to a changing room. I folded up my clothes and laid them in the garment tub to the side. She is clothed with dignity and strength no sense balling them up. Christ already paid the price for me. He folded his things up before he left this world so why shouldn’t I.

 

They took me back to the holding area this time it was empty. They had the SYFY channel playing Snow White and the Huntsman was on. And I read the court papers for appearance. I am being charged with Theft of rental property. And it came to me…

 

In 1997 my then fiancé car broke down he worked as an account manager for Coca Cola and needed a car to work but didn’t have a credit card. I didn’t have a license. They took his license and my credit card. For reasons I can’t remember he couldn’t return the car so he called the car rental place to pick it up. They sent a tow truch and had it towed away. We moved to TX shortly after. Got married. And returned to CO. On our way to work he was pulled over for a traffic infraction making a  right turn on no right turn on red, sign posted. The officers took him in on a warrant “theft of rental property” I bailed him out. He was suspended from his job pending further investigation. I bailed him out. He went to court and when he returned I asked what happened? He explained case was dismissed because they have their car. And I never asked or thought anything of it. Until now, he never was allowed to return to work. He got another job. And we never brought it up again. I have been divorced from him these last 20 years. I have had no contact with him.

 

And why it is coming up now has everyone bewildered and baffled. Statue of limitations on this is 3-5 years. This happened Thur I was arrested at 3 and when I walked out of jail it was 1030pm. My husband had been there since 5pm. He said they didn’t even have me in the system till 8pm and he gave the bond as soon as my name appeared. It took another 2 and a half hours to take me out.

 

When I got home I wept. After all I am having a human experience. I trust and believe that nothing happens without reason. Countless things have happened since that prove God is in this with me. That there is a battle taking place in the spiritual forces but I am not backing down. My lawyers name is Michael. Also not a coincidence. The week leading up to my arrest my cousin released a book giving me special acknowledgement for my spiritual guidance on his journey, we received unexpected blessings, I was supposed to attend a meeting to pray over the new place we were hosting Celebrate Recovery. I was asked to submit a video to teach mentors how to better engage in conversation with their mentees to help them share their thoughts and manage their feelings, I was getting ready to host my 2nd womens worship night, which happens to also be the day after my court appearance, and all I can think is I was shining too bright.  The enemy had to dim this light. But God…

 

In Celebrate Recovery we are taught to do an inventory when our emotions get the best of us. Each column we write who, what they did, how I felt, what it damaged, how I reacted even how I wanted to react because you can sin in thought just as much as in deed and how I responded. Who hurt me I looked at my paperwork and wrote the people of the State of CO because that is who is against me. The next day in my devotions they asked who is my enemy? And I responded the accuser is my enemy. Then they asked what would it take to love your enemies to pray for them. I said I don’t love or hate anyone. I honestly have no feeling for the men and women God is using to do their job for all I know they need to be a witness to His saving power in my life. The next day my devotional read. “Share my word of overcoming grace with others, for their hearts are now ready to hear the song of triumph.”

 

As I said the battle is not over yet but today I realized the battle is not mine. I can do nothing but wait and the enemy has made me suffer spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially finding his satisfaction in the wait. And I decided today am done giving him the satisfaction of my misery. So just as I allowed this to rob me of my life these last few days. I am now taking my life back up.

 

I share this story so that people will know to prepare yourselves. Come what may. I don’t know any other way to live in heaven and still be attached to earth except to spend every moment I can coming to know my Father through devotionals, prayer, praise music, teachings, fellowship with others in Christ. The AM is my I Am time. My ordinary faith proved to be my strength in the trial. In this trial. The armor of God my shield. I knew through the study of His Word that the testing would start with God’s children. So in a way this was no surprise it has actually been rather comical.  Proving the Scripture she laughs without fear of the future Proverbs 31:25 Throughout my life I have been tested by the fires many times over but there is something different about this, like the balance of darkness and light is shifting. Feb 20th I will arrive at Jeffco to face my charges but I do not come alone as 2 Kings 6:16 reminds me I need not be afraid for there are more on my side than theirs.

 

Who dares accuse me whom God has chosen for His own? No one-for God Himself has given me right standing with Himself. Who then will condemn me? No one- for Christ Jesus died for me and was raised to life for me and he is sitting in the place of honor at God's right hand, pleading for me. Can anything ever separate me from Christ's love? Does it mean He no longer loves me if I have trouble or calamity or are persecuted or hungry or destitute or in danger or threatened with death? As the Scriptures say “for your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things overwhelming victory is mine through Christ who loved me. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate me from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither my fears for today nor my worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate me from God's love, Romans 8:33-38  I wonder if that can be my closing argument. lol